In my individual, daily life, however, this pride is much harder to identify with – thanks to a world of external and internalised ableism. So, this blog is an act of bringing forth something that I have spent a lifetime trying to mask and feeling ashamed of.
I experience various mental health difficulties and neurodiversities. These are mostly undiagnosed, but I do identify with most of the traits of autism and am awaiting an assessment for this. Like many women, I am high-masking so it’s easy to convince myself and others that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me – though this reliably comes at the expense of my wellbeing! Regardless of any diagnostic outcome, learning about autism has revealed a whole new way to understand myself and my struggles. It’s opened to door to more self-compassion, appreciation and a host of resources.
Greater recognition of female autism in recent years has revealed a whole new phenotype – almost unrecognizable from the stereotype based on autistic males. Take a look at the list of symptoms here. Note that though this type is common in women, it is not exclusively female.
I suspect that many of the women we work with have undiagnosed autism and/or ADHD (there are massive overlaps between the two). This is relevant because it might explain a number of our clients’ behaviours that otherwise risk being perceived as rude, character-flaws, or failure to engage. Allow me to illustrate with some examples based on my own experience.
Imagine a session where a client is unexpectedly disengaged, snappy, or leaves abruptly. If the room is brightly lit, too warm, or has a lot of background noise, this could be a result of sensory-overstimulation. Assuming the client is also not aware of her neurodivergence, she will only experience an unbearable load of stress and discomfort, with no apparent trigger or ability to explain why.
Another example: Imagine you ask a client if a session has been helpful, and they answer ‘No.’ They might be perceived as rude or ungrateful, when really they are just being honest. I frequently observe allistic (non-autistic) people expressing outrage and disapproval when someone answers a question honestly! This strikes me as a shocking trap; I personally long to live in a world that invites honesty.
I believe that, especially in this line of work, we should be wary of holding people – including colleagues – to invisible/undefined social expectations and contracts. Not only are these expectations culturally subjective, they often exclude people with disabilities. A final example might relate to failure to keep to an explicit contract, as in the case of a client who repeatedly misses appointments due to ADHD or dyslexia. If we allow ourselves to take any of these things personally, we risk subconsciously disadvantaging disabled women by turning away or losing patience.
Fun fact about autism: It’s often said that autistics have communication ‘difficulties’. However, recent studies are starting to debunk this, showing that autistic people find it easy to communicate with other autistics! I can relate. With autistic peers I can be honest about my needs without worrying about being ridiculed or causing offense, (e.g. “I just need to cover my eyes and lie on the floor but I’m still listening.” Hint: this helps me with sensory overload and emotional regulation).
I recently delivered a series of mutual-aid events for the disabled community. It was my first time working in a disabled-led team, and it was wonderful! There was a natural tolerance and acceptance for different ways of being, and a recognition that ‘engagement’ looks different for everyone. It felt easy to ask for adjustments and interrupt a meeting to express a need. Help was given without any sense of charity. True, it was a slower way of working, but I’d happily talk at length to anyone about my theories on why this is exactly what the world needs now!
To conclude, I’ll leave you with a couple of autistic/disability-friendly calls to action:
- Bless honesty
- Celebrate difference
- Interrogate your own ableism
For anyone interested in learning more about disability justice and mutual aid, I’d recommend checking out the works of Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
